worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
