what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
