There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
