i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
