belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
