O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
