this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
