just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
