I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
