Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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