he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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