hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
