They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
