You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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