i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize