people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
