You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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