dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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