They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
