yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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