there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did I show you my penis last night?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
