nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
