My liver just broke up with me...
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
