Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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