Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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