I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
