bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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