Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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