I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
