I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
