that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
