wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
