Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
