At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
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