I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
