don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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