I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
