She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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