Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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