Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
