I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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