Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
