you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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