dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
