tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
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I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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