I like my sex mixed with concussions.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
