So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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