If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Just pee around me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
