I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
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I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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