Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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