I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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