sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
