I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
