at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
