hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Randomize
