So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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