You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
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