I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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