There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
