Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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