Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
