The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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