Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
