ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
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She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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