just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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