i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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