he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
