Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
