I swear she didn't look like that last week.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
