I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
