need another drink. this is the easiest way
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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