Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
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...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
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Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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