I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
