I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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