Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
