i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
